Exploding Head Syndrome and Other Thoughts

4_1_15_MU4

Sometimes when you wait long enough, one of life’s little mysteries gets explained. Today when I logged online, I saw a piece about exploding head syndrome. I have experienced it, never talked about it and now I read that it’s rather common. I have little trust in the current medical regimes but it’s a relief to know maybe I’m not having little strokes.

Wikipedia makes it sound more serious and rare, calling it a form of hypnagogic auditory hallucination. Other explanations have been temporal- lobe seizures and dysfunctions of the tiny bones of the middle ear. The new research indicates it could be that the auditory neurons fire all at once instead of shutting down in stages. Maybe at one time I had fear and anxiety about it but now it’s more like, “no, not one more thing”.

Snapshot_043

My ataxia symptoms have been worse lately. Also something has been glitchy with my struggling to find words. Because of the staggering gait issue I feel like wearing this slip for a while.

It’s actually part of an outfit that has a lace overlay. The overlay doesn’t work. It appears to have an alpha included that makes the lace totally see through. Like you can see my black hair hanging down my back through my invisible body. Anyway, the slip reminds me of dancers costumes in a video I really like. If I had more energy I’d look for ballet slippers but barefoot is fine for now. Seeing the color and fabric on my avatar soothes something in my nervous system.

When I watch television and see someone fall down or get slammed into something, I experience the jolts in my nerve endings. I had to quit watching ice dancing for that reason. It took too much of a toll.

Someone on campus asked me more about my “disability”. I like to give the benefit of the doubt and so I attempted to explain. It’s one of those times when I don’t seem to making myself clear but no one has mentioned that to me lately.

There have been incidents when people have been mocked for sharing information like this.

I intend to get through the LEA 23 experiment through June.

Advertisements

Getting to Ready

Fun!_001

Now things look more official. And my name is on the website as Student Advisor and people are directed to call on me. Yikes! As long as I don’t have to manage the calendar; I barely manage my personal calendar.

Fun!_002

Now what I need to do is plan my studies. Get some sort of something written down.

I usually make about three very flexible plans according to what my unpredictable energy level might be. My brain might be very foggy or my body very lethargic. Or both.

The silver lining in this is I’ve learned to be very accountable to myself and to also practice self-acceptance and gentleness. I haven’t mastered that but it’s a good combination.

Claiming It

sandstone on vashti 2_001

Nothing was happening so I claimed the spot I chose by putting a building down. This isn’t a complaint at all; I’m sure there’s a tremendous amount of work and detail involved in organizing something like this. But I didn’t put decor out in case someone else had really wanted this spot.

The Culprit Victorian Orangery is the Sandstone Version. I hadn’t known that since it was a gift and I’d never unpacked it. That was a happy surprise. Just a month ago I’d seen this version at Nordan om Jorden and liked it so much I took a photo of me in it, posted to my profile feed.

Izzy the Provost came over; I would have taken a photo if I’d thought of it. She answered the one question I still had.

I’m very impressed with her intelligence and professionalism. I’m used to sim owners who are often little dictators with big egos, easily annoyed and so on. This is mostly on role play sims where the owners have resentments and defenses built up. Even though this University is presented as freedom and fun, there’s also a serious, thoughtful undertone.

I was still walking around in little circles like an old dog settling in for a snooze.

sandstone on vashti 2_002

Scarlett Luv-Star came over and after Izzy left to do Provost things, we talked about our broken brains. It was a non-pitiful, informative exchange. Here we are, doing stuff, being creative and confident.

I noticed that somehow the purple base had turned to a neutral color. Virtual reality.

It’s a no-fly campus. I’ve learned a better way to walk to this space from the landing.

Progress

uni_003

 

I’ve made a lot of progress with my part of this experiment during the last 24 hours so I’m going to do several posts in a row this evening.

Vashti 2 is the spot I chose for my studio. It seems to me that the people in charge might prefer to speak in person, avatar to avatar, than through e-mail and IM. I didn’t feel like I could make plans until I knew what my space looked like.

My typist has been having a very rough life and one of her main priorities has been having a place of her own. She will give up almost anything else to afford it. So it seems to be with me; I need a refuge with touchstones of intrinsic value around me.

I fretted over the color of the base and later learned that when they go into use, it becomes a neutral color.

When I logged in there were informative notecards inviting us to link any blog posts we write to an official blog, to add photos to the Flickr account and to share a life list.  I’m not ready to do that. I know that any response or lack of response will affect what I’m doing here. When I become more clear on my goals for this experiment, I doubt I’ll go back and edit the vague pages I’ve begun with. I really doubt anyone would want to read about my hyperfocusing and rambling settling in.

Already by using categories here, people have found my blog and placed links to theirs as comments which I’m not going to approve for a while, if ever.

I’ve relaxed about my writing studies. If there are  classes that are convenient to take, I will. Otherwise my goal is to just get a regular writing practice going so I will have something to edit. Then I will study one or two writing rules at a time and edit, then one or two more rules and so on. I’m not able to remember a bunch of rules and just start writing.

Navigating and Communicating

uni_007

Every time I look at the MU website it seems to be different, as though I’m in a different timeline. When I sent in my application, I thought I would be contacted by e-mail. I was scrambling in real life, eventually logging in to SL a couple of days later. I had a friend request from Izzy, the Provost.

I guessed that meant I was accepted into this endeavor. I noticed there were still studios available and eventually came to the realization that perhaps I could handle this. I got to that point sideways.

I’d been walking the mainland, something I do to unwind. I came across a place called Tickety-boo that had a cute little 10 LI snack shop.  I teleported up to the rez area, rezzing all the buildings one at a time. I kept thinking about the little snack shop, then a desk, then an art table. I began looking through my inventory list.

I remembered I’d received a gift of eku Zhong’s Victorian Orangery late last year and hadn’t had a place to put it. I know it will fit; someone else has one up. That’s how I eased into thinking this was doable.

I’m pretty good at decorating a 117 prim allowance 512m plot so I think I can handle putting up a studio. But the website is overwhelming for me.

I sent Izzy an IM with the info about which studio spot I prefer. I also contacted Scarlett Luv-Star about her Broke Brain Clinic. She runs the Bacon Barista at MU too and happens to be on my friends list since her shops are near my lighthouse home in Montara.

This helped my confidence, kind of knowing at least one person. When I visited the sim, I saw efficient, industrious people setting things up. People with credentials.

The place I chose is way in the back, near the water. Now that I’ve made up my mind to do this, I’m feeling anxious. I want to get set up while I have the energy and time before the onslaughts of the coming week. Such is life.

First Steps

uni_004

I first noticed Medici University at LEA 23 when I visited the sim next to it. LEA 24 by Lemonodo Oh is a coastline display. I’d seen gorgeous photos of it and immediately recognized that I couldn’t possible take good pictures of it myself.

Next I wandered over to MU. It was in beginning stages and looked like a mess. I’d vaguely heard of it and had no idea of the concept. A few days later, I read a blog post about an avatar planning to study there and became intrigued. I went to visit.

The MU pathways are confusing to me but I’m used to walking inworld. I wander mainland roads often. At this point I wouldn’t have imagined wanting to participate. I have a lot on my plate; I was having a hellish week.

Then I saw all the empty studio spaces. While walking the roads of Sansara later, I began to consider participating. I’m a daydreamer like that.

This is the sort of add-on that I’m trying to give up the habit of including on my project list. I’m learning about priorities, essentials and conserving my energy better. I’ve suffered from many dead ends and disappointments, especially in virtual reality. I’ll have a day when I feel well and am functioning and later find I’m no longer able.

I found the website and filled out an application. This was on a Tuesday morning, a full moon during a Mercury retrograde, not to mention all the things in objective reality that were going on. The media was reporting on events that made me think I’m not of the same species as most people and I felt like just leaving the planet.

I had no expectations at that point and that was a good thing.